I know my jealousy is irrational
but I long for the day when you write about me

Home is whenever I'm with you

I find it funny I thought you were out of reach, when
you were always so close I never had to move a muscle

I hate not wearing the necklace or the bracelet or
carrying half your heart in my pocket
even though it's in my chest as well

I sleep worse away from you now but
still better than how I slept before I had you
(something I never thought possible)

I love how many songs we share
I love how we listened to her new album together for the first time
I love that I shared her with you and you
fell in love

I will never forget each and every time you go
and how much it hurts but
I will never forget you will come back this time
and I will be waiting (asleep or not)

I will always remember the first time you walked
into the room and I laid eyes on you
my wall went up so fast because I knew
something remarkable was happening
and it was terrifying

Most days of the year are unremarkable. 
They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. 
Most days have no impact on the course of a life.
June 16th was a Tuesday.


I will never understand how I believe
but I do

We are superheroes, not only saving the world
but more importantly each other, pulling one another out of
the deepest holes and breaking down the most durable walls

We will watch our movie again, one day
when the time is right
and there are so many movies we will watch
so many places we will go
so many things we will do
but all that matters
is that you are there for all of it, no matter what it is

You have an endless supply of bandages and I am lucky enough
to not need anymore because you yourself
are a bandage for all my wounds

How did I get lucky enough
to be able to brush your hair from your face a hundred times a day
to know what you look like as you fall asleep
to feel the softness of your skin against mine
warmth and protection and /home/


Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa
Not the way that I do love you

Well, holy moly me oh my
You're the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you

Man oh man, you're my best friend
I scream it to the nothingness
There ain't nothing that I need

Hot and heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
Ain't nothing please me more than you

I'll follow you into the park
Through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I've never loved one like you

Moats and boats and waterfalls
Alleyways and payphone calls
I've been everywhere with you

Laugh until we think we'll die
Barefoot on that summer night
Never could be sweeter than with you

And in the streets we run afree
Like it's only you and me
Geez you're something to see


Home is when I'm alone with you.

Then again, my heart has been broken. I feel as if I'm sinking....drowning....can't breathe...

I will never be able to read my favorite poem or see my favorite piece of art again without crying.

I found it funny you thought you were the one chasing, instead of being chased, when you first read it... that you were not the one burning brilliantly (and maybe always just a little out of reach).

I can't wear those socks or that t-shirt or the necklace or the bag anymore without feeling like any of them weigh two of me. (maybe it's our weight combined, like I now carry in my heart)

My first night in a long time waking up with a migraine and this is what's going on from the part of my head that can still manage to put together thoughts (will I ever sleep more than three hours again)

I'll never be able to listen to that song I dedicated to you, even if you didn't know I did so (it only applies even more since I had)

and she will also always be tears since I shared her with you... (my favorite song...... gone....)

I will never forget the first time, and me calling my mom after I watched you go, and asking her "why am I in so much pain right now?" (....she didn't answer, because she knew I already knew.)

Or years ago before I even met you when my friend passed me a story, about us, and said you'll love this and I said why would you think that, it's about reincarnation (and she said, /exactly/)

That /she/ will also be gone because I will always have to pass her up on the shelf without a second thought (that's a lie... there will be so many thoughts, and memories, I might collapse right there on the floor of the comic book store)

How will I ever be able to watch the movie about us again? (did I want to anyway) (yes... only with you at my side, though)

That I was supposedly your purpose, and you patched up a hole I didn't think could be patched, then ripped away the bandaging (to patch up someone else)

How do I see you and be able to look at you anymore (then again, would I be able to help it anyway?), or swallow down all the urges to brush your hair from your face (it was so hard in the first place)....

"What I'd say about you"

Did you really leave me again?

After all the seasons I spent waiting. 

Watching out the window. 

Listening at the door.

Waiting for the news of your return.

For the news that you realized someone important was waiting for you.

A whole lifetime I've been waiting.

I can't believe you're not coming back.

I can't believe I'm supposed to stop waiting.

I can't believe you left me again.

You didn't tell me to stop waiting. In fact, you said the opposite. But I can only think, what happens.... when you do?

A bit melodramatic, I guess.

someone......
please...

get

me


bleach


so

i
can stop


having
to see



all the blood
lines


on my mattress

each time


i change

a
goddamn
sheet

..............

I just want to see my dog again. Then I'd like to go.

"Come on , Dick, they're going to split us up eventually. You didn't think they were going to send us to the prison together, did you?"

"Sure I did."

"No, I doubt it."

"I never thought about that... Isn't that funny? I never thought they might break us up. Guess that makes me a dope.

If they hang us---would they do that together? At the same time?" 

"Probably. They have two gallows here, side by side."

"Then I hope they hang us."

"Sick and twisted and very, very sad."

"I want Billowy too. And the espadrilles. And the sunglasses. And you,"
On the train I told him about the day we thought he'd drowned and how I was determined to ask my father to round up as many fishermen as he could to go look for him, and when they found him, to light a pyre on our shore, while I grabbed Mafalda's knife from the kitchen and ripped out his heart, because that's all I'd ever have to show for my life. A heart and a shirt. His heart wrapped in a damp shirt