I know you're trying, to fight when you feel like flying

but if you love me don't let me go

this house don't feel like home

hold, hold on, hold onto me

because I'm a little unsteady



i don't even know what i want to say tonight. that every day i think i'm healing but then at night i remember. what i really am. and i'm so tired. quite literally since i'm still staying awake through my sleep meds. day #5 of little to no sleep. my friend's friend died tonight. she hasn't talked about it, and probably won't to me since our connection isn't deep in that way, but i'm guessing it was weather related. and i was out skating in the ice, laughing, loving it. a small good part of my night while i was in a lot of pain. but there are people out there, hurting. just like there are people out there laughing while i'm hurting. 65/35. it's what my favorite counselor said about my head ratio of transgender related problems/depression and anxiety. all i know is tonight, two of my friends are in pain from telling me, another that i can (always) feel, my mother, my oldest brother... me. i don't get to attend afternoon group tomorrow, or ever again because my insurance won't cover it. after so much healing happened /from/ the afternoon groups today (i was my good self), i can't stand the thought. and that overpass. it sounds really really good right now