You want to know if you're to blame, babe

Well my night. has been totally fucked. it's 330 idk what I'm doing but I know that my brother had me cut out return labels for a few packages and when I realized I was holding scissors nearly had a panic attack. (he understood when i said i wanted another task) then we had a talk about do I tell my dad I was in the psych hospital if i see him tomorrow? if it matters, its worth. to me, to him, whatever. which just evolved to a talk about me being (previously?) suicidal and how that's upsetting for any parent to find out about their child but he should know. how could he not was my argument. it started when i lived with him. if he ignored it that's not my problem. or it was part of the problem but if he doesn't realize now the person i am because he refused to acknowledge it,...... and now i cant sleep due to hospital flashbacks life is peachy as fuck guess who needs a cigarette and doesn't have one guess who threw out their blade and wants it very much right now guess who filed down their nails so they couldn't tear at their own skin guess who wants to put on their skates and glide right into oncoming traffic i'm so fucked 80% chance of relapse, it was nice while it lasted